SCP-696-J "SwaggerSouls"
Object Class: Euclid
Containment Procedures
SCP-696 is currently confined at containment facility [REDACTED].
SCP-696 is to be kept in a 8x8 metre concrete room with a bed and desktop and microphone. A 4x4 metre bathroom is to be attached on the far side from the bed. SCP-696 is permitted internet access from 12PM to 8PM when it is his bed time.SCP-696 is to be feed a keto diet without any breakable dishes except on Saturday when he is allowed to smash his plates. Whenever personnel enter the SCP-696 containment room marijuana is to be fed through the crack under the door beforehand so as to sedate SCP-696.
Description
SCP-696 is a young, human male with a twelfth-century european helmet permanently attached to his head henceforth called, "SCP-696-1". Attempts to remove
SCP-696-1 have proven unsuccessful, although glossy eyes can be seen through its visor. It is currently unknown how SCP-696 receives nourishment through
SCP-696-1. SCP-696 is generally friendly and gregarious but prone to mood swings and violent outbursts. Personnel are advised not to agitate SCP-696 and to laugh at his jokes even when they are not funny.
Log 1
SCP-696 is brought to containment facility [REDACTED]. Entities present; SCP-696, Researcher [REDACTED], D-class 409, D-class 411
Begin log;
SCP-696 "Yo, what's the (explicative removed) idea here?"
Researcher [REDACTED] "We're taking yo to a safe facility. Please remain calm."
SCP-696 "A safe facility? What do you mean, like a kindergarten?"
"Hey, buddy r'you listening?"
"Did I ever tell you about the time that I punched a kid in kindergarten? It was pretty funny. The teacher got really upset and called the cops saying that a strange man had entered her class and started beating children."
(D-class 409 begins laughing)
Researcher [REDACTED] "That isn't even funny."
SCP-696 "Oh yeah? Well here's a sidesplitter for ya."
(SCP-696 punches Researcher [REDACTED] , penetrating his side and removing his left kidney)
(Researcher [REDACTED] begins screaming)
SCP-696 "YEET!"
D-class 411 "What the (explicative removed).
SCP-696 "Hey, I could use this as fertilizer and start a kidney-garden!"
(D-class 409 begins laughing and crying)
End log

SCP-696 escaped custody and eluded pursuit until he was secured by foundation persnonnel at an anime convention on [Redacted].